Three years ago, I was writing about the reality of being fat in a slim world. Many people seemed to be moved by it and I was glad to share the fact that sometimes fat is just a fact of life. Time has passed since then and so has me being fat. I still dress fashionably of course and still refuse to be the victim of the situation. I let go the hope of ever losing weight, though I did try to prevent myself from gaining more. But then something unpredictable happened and as I write this article, I am actually about 20kg lighter then before!

Food health decision and diet choice concept and nutrition options dilemma between healthy good fresh fruit and vegetables or greasy cholesterol rich fast food on a fork with a man in the middle uncertain of what to eat.

Already for few months now people have been asking me if I have lost weight and commenting that my face is actually looking slimmer. Many friends also stated that my neck is back and that I really look slimmer overall. Of course at first it sounded like a poor sauce in a mediocre French restaurant, but then I dared myself to try on some old pants and guess what? I can actually fit almost all of them! If you asked me personally, deep down inside I still feel like that glamorous fatty that loves wearing scarves. But the reality is that I am losing weight. As proof, I don’t need any more extra belt on the plane!

Of course this is situation in life that I have never imagined before. Up until now I am still trying to digest the whole situation and constantly praying that this is not just a dream where I woke and still fat! Luckily I have been looking like this for few months now and surely this is not just my imagination. So what gives?

Well about the same time last year, a dear friend was approaching me with a nutritional brand from America that can help me to cut out some weight. The ultimate catch here that I actually do not have to exercise in order to loose weight. Of course as the ‘been there and done that’ fatty who tries everything from private trainer, diets to magic slimming pills – this sounds really too good to be true. With a mix of skeptical mind and touch of curiosity, I decided to take on her offer and put myself as guinea pig.

What these nutrition products did is actually to change my eating habits and to clean by body from toxins using their cleansing powder products. I can only eat normal once day now and replace the rest of eating schedule with their milkshake product. Every twice a week, I am also requires to do 24 hours fasting and only consume the cleansing powders that are mix with water to drink.

It wasn’t easy at the beginning as my eyes are still hungry when looking at food. Luckily the shake really making me full and can halt the hungry eyes. I tried to be committed and discipline by also cutting sugar intake and any sodas. The first one-month was kind of hellish and the result was far from satisfying. I was losing only about a kilogram after all the prevention that I did. Hesitations immediately paid a visit to my mind and leaving doubts along the way.

Second month was still not giving promising result as well. However, slowly I started to pick up this new habit of eating once a day. Aside from the hope of losing weight, it also helps to make me save money from eating out. I decided that perhaps it is better not to be too conscious about expecting the result and just go with the flow while I continue with the process of doing it.

At the beginning of this year, I decided to put the focus back to life in general and not really expecting much for the result. This mindset actually help to give a new perspective and made me took a journey back down the memory lane. I have to admit that I was a very ambitious person and putting such high expectation to all my efforts. To actually learn on how to manage expectation and leave the universe to work is completely new concept to me. Furthermore, through some great advises from closest friends (plus maturing age), I decided to make amends with all the big dramas in life that I used to hold dearly and use it as reasons in life.

Slowly but sure, I revisited the past and try to make a closure. I fix what can be fixed and move on from situation that I no longer can do anything about it. After few months of managing my thoughts and set up a new positive mindset towards life, I did feel that my whole body is getting lighter literally. This was also the time when people really start noticing about my body weight changes. I came to a conclusion that there is nothing good from keeping grudges and grief memories from the past in your life. It is seriously gives you nothing, except FAT! Believe it or not, but all those negativities that I kept for years were really transforming into fat.

Though I am slimmer now, I am not yet fully transformed into Twiggy. I still have at least another 20 kg to kill before I am reaching my ideal weight for my height. Living in fat actually teaches me a lot. I will never generate this crazy fashion sense if it is not because of my fat figure. This situation also increases my compassion level towards other who doesn’t have ideal physique. Though it is important to have inner beauty, but we are still living in the world where people judge book from its cover.

My conclusion is that possible to actually loose weight without killing yourself with personal trainer or under surgery’s scalpel. Exercise is needed to keep your body healthy but in my case it is definitely not to loose weight. You just need to believe that you can do it and make peace with all the demons inside your mind. Remember, negativity is nothing but fat!

Erza S.T.

Erza S.T.

Erza S.T. is the founder of Indonesia Opera Society and has helped contribute to the citys classical music scene. An avid traveller, he writes about his forays around the world for NOW! Jakartas travel section.